I have always wanted a place where I can outlet my thoughts and feelings. I have read other people's blogs or forum posts and thought, Wow, I really wish I had the ability to put my thoughts into words that way. It has never been a talent of mine. Where some people put their fingers to keyboard and the words just flow, I have writers block.
Also, my thoughts never flow out as eloquently as I would like them too. Generally they are disjointed and senseless. I can never make sense of what I wrote when I go back to review it, so I know no one else can. I always feel slightly embarrassed with my inability to sound, well, cool. I see blog posts that scroll on forever and you hang on every last word just to hear what they have to say. I can get out what I think is just a novel of a post and realize it is nothing. And it makes no sense.
In school I hated writing papers. I loved to sit down and write. I always had grand ideas of what my paper would be about and how wonderful it would be. In the end I was always marked down because of run-on sentances. Every Single Time. I never knew when to apply correct punctuation. I was bad at spacing out paragraphs. My sentances never flowed wonderfully from one topic to another. No matter how hard I worked on getting an interesting talking point, I always ended up with those fantastic red marks all over my page. You know the ones that are supposed to provide constructive criticism but usually just end up mocking you with your worthlessness?
I want to have a journal. Desperately. I have so many paper journals on a book shelf in my basemet. Leather bound ones, cardboard backed ones, big ones, little ones, pretty pink flowered ones. I have all these delusions that I will sit down with my journal, a pen and a cup of hot cocoa and all of these wonderfully detailed entries will just flow. Well it never happens. Usually I end up writing one entry with nothing of substance to it and then the journal sits unloved for several weeks until it finally makes it to the journal shelf of failure.
I have another blog. That blog is where I post pictures of my kids and updates on their status. I would love to be able to post random thoughts and ideas on that blog, but I know there are people that check that blog that I would prefer to not know my innermost thoughts and desires. So here I am. I was using this blog a while back to chronicle my weight loss goals and progress. And who knows, maybe I will do that with it again. But for right now, this is where I am going to spout out my thoughts. Disjointed, grammatically incorrect and incoherent as they may be. I make no promises to post. I may post 3 times in one day (doubtful with 2 kids) or once every few months. This is not going to be a "OMG guess what my kids did today" kind of blog. That stuff is better off at my other blog. This is my place to put down all of the random thoughts in my head that keep me up at night.
And now that I have started this, I am hoping that since it is not a physical journal it can't end up on that dejected shelf in my basement. To be seen.
Au Revoir
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